Titanic: By Me and Kate
by Camelkitty and Rocketgirl
Summary: peoples! we have a new chapter! we think you will like it! and believe it or not, it has nothing at all to do with run-over-hedgehogs! whooo-hoooo! please R&R!
1. a run over hedgehog is so funny!

A Story I Made Up Because Im Bored...  
  
ok...heres a story me and my best friend of all time, Kate, made up!  
  
This is from Titanic...when Rose and Jack are in the wagon/ car thingy....anyway, I'll get going  
  
Jack: Come on, Miss Rose. Where'd yall like t' go?  
  
Rose:It's milady to you, you stupid hick  
  
Jack:*gets horny*  
  
Rose: Fine. Bring me to....* pauses to think*  
  
Jack: *is soo excited he gets to go in this car with Rose, that he starts drooling all over himself and the steering wheel*  
  
Rose: *Drags Jack into back of wagon/ car thingy, because she been deprived of haveing a nonself absorbed guy around*  
  
Jack: *farts*  
  
Windows: *Fog Up*  
  
Rose:*slaps hand on back window* DAMNIT, JACK! YOU ALWAYS DO THAT.....*gets out of car/ wagon thingy*  
  
Jack: ahhh, c'mon! Its not that bad.... is it??  
  
Rose: * sniffs* *almost dies of smell*  
  
Titanic: *jolt*  
  
Rose: Ohh Shit! Jack, did you fart AGAIN?  
  
Jack:*blushes* no!  
  
Iceberg: Woe unto you who disturb my slumber! *makes a crack in Titanic*  
  
Titanic: *creeakkkk* *begins makeing scary sounds as if to be sinking*  
  
Jack: *southern accent*RUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! RUN ROSE!!!! RUNNNNNN!!!!!!  
  
Rose: *runnung as fast as she can*  
  
Two Watchmen from the Tower: ohh shit. Its c-c-c-c-o-o-o-o-l-l-l-l-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d.  
  
Rose: *gets outside and looks overboard* OHHH SHIT!! JACK! MR. ANDREWS!!!!!  
  
Jack:*looks overboard* ohhhh shit. *begins praying rosery*  
  
Rose: THIS IS NO TIME FOR THE ROSERY!!* grabs rosery from Jack and chucks it overboard*  
  
Jack: NOOOO!!!!!!!!  
  
ok, thats all for now folks! Its kinds late and.....ill finish this tommorow. 


	2. new unoffensive version!

all right!!! all right!!! we yeild to the power of reviewers! we bend to your will!!!  
  
just stop sending us nasty reviews!!! we shall make everything better! we apologise for any offense taken and grieviously ponder the effects of our actions, which are, to date, to piss of a bunch of way too uptight people who cant even be polite!!! so, we  
  
promise it willnever happen again!!! which is why we now only accept signed reviews!!! and run-over-hedgehogs are so the bomb! thank you!!!  
  
THE NEW, RATAD G FOR ALL AUDIENCES!  
  
THE TITANIC HUMOR THAT IS NOT RELATED IN ANY WAY(S) TO RUN-OVER-HEDGEHOGS!!!  
  
(and if you think we are tired of the run-over-hedgehog joke, you do not know hanna and kate very well!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!)  
  
ROSE: i am speaking on behalf of all the charactars on the titanic movie, and we say that kate and hannas humor is exceptional, maybe even as good as dave barry, but not quite! in fact, we are just going to shut up right now and not say anything else, for fear we piss off anonymous reviewers!!! thank you!!! 


	3. a parody the right way

THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN COMPLETELY BY KATE!  
  
all right...we'll get serious. if you must force us to be...as if thats possible! anyway...  
  
fienchen: can we please just peace out?? we admit we have been kinda bitchy...(PMS)...but the moon is back to its regular motion and we are fine now, ok?? so can we please negotiate a truce?  
  
CHAPTER 3 (we shall pick up where we left off before we went on our PMS rampage) :  
  
ICEBERG: *smacks ship*  
  
SHIP: *makes groaning noise similar to jack's farts*  
  
ROSE: goddamitt! jack!!! stop farting!!!  
  
THE CREW MEMBERS: *are watching jack and rose getting it on in the carriage* *aka: do not see the iceberg*  
  
ICEBERG: *tears hole in titanic's hull*  
  
EVERYONE ON BOARD: oh, shit.  
  
CAPTAIN: *goes into his room with the steering wheel* *drowns*  
  
CAL: please take this man into the next to the lowest level on the ship and handcuff him to a pole, please.  
  
MR. ANDREWS: ok!  
  
ROSE: omigod you stole my diamond!  
  
JACK: no i didn't!!!  
  
CAL: don't listen to him rose!  
  
ROSE: whatever. maybe i should trust him instead of the person who has slapped me, but hey, what do i know? i'm just a bimbo! i'll believe you, cal.  
  
JACK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MR. ANDREWS: *hancuffs jack to a pole in the next to the lowest level on the ship*  
  
JACK: *farts*  
  
MR, ANDREWS: *runs out of room as fast as he can, taking the key with him*  
  
JACK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ROSE: i think i believe jack!  
  
CAL: too late now, toots.  
  
ROSE: *runs to next to the lowest level of the ship and looks for jack*  
  
LEVEL WHERE JACK AND ROSE ARE: *is very wet and soggy, and, thx to jack, stinky*   
  
ROSE: *sniffs* *almost dies* oh, shit, jack! i told you not to eat those escargo at the party!  
  
JACK: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
ROSE: i'm here!!!  
  
JACK: *makes a 'w' with his fingers* whatEVER!!!  
  
ROSE: *looks for key* *does not find it* the key is gone jack!!!  
  
JACK: well then, use that conveniently placed ax! but make sure to take a practice swing FIRST!  
  
ROSE: *takes practice swing* *tries to hit same mark* *fails miserably*  
  
JACK: shit.  
  
ROSE: *hits jacks chains, setting him free*  
  
JACK: *hides his hand in his jacket* OH MY GOD YOU CUT OFF MY HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams bloody murder*  
  
ROSE: *lets out bloodcurdling scream*  
  
CAL: *hears them scream* *heads down stairs to kill rose and/or jack*  
  
JACK: geez, rose! i was just kidding!  
  
ROSE: well gosh golly gee, jack! you sceered the livin b'jeezis outta me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
we hope you guys like this chapter better than the first two!!  
  
love kate (and hanna) 


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